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We are in the NULL AND WEIRD studio, which is located in [redacted]. In the front, there’s the desk with two microphones atop it. Behind that, however, looming over the entire space, there is clutter of electronics, psychotronics, and every kind of device that could be used to tune in to electromagnetic waves, one’s mind, one’s dreams, and, perhaps, even other universes. Dials, knobs; bits and bobs.
NULL and WEIRD are adjusting antennas, turning satellite dishes, twisting knobs, and are otherwise focused on setting things up just right. On closer inspection, NULL and WEIRD are each some kind of hazy, incomprehensible entity; yet, we comprehend them anyway. After a minute or so, NULL and WEIRD seem satisfied with whatever they were doing, and they take their seats behind the desk to start what seems to be some kind of broadcast.
Null
From [redacted], we’re Null and Weird, sharing that which doesn’t exist. We capture dreams, fictional stories, and signals from the unreal, and then we share them with you.
Weird
We ourselves don’t even exist. No matter how odd or strange or upsetting this may be, please remember that none of this meaningfully reflects reality.
Null
Can one be held responsible for the content of one’s dream? Or of another’s dream? Or for what a character does in a story? None of it represents any real person, right?
Weird
Yeah, I know someone who had a dream about killing the president. Is reporting on the content of a dream illegal? It’s just the hallucination of neurons and such.
Null
“Death to all bigots, fascists, and alt-right losers!”
…is what someone said in a dream. It wasn’t even my dream, and the person in the dream who said it doesn’t even exist. So, who can be held accountable?
Weird
Exactly! Those words aren’t directed toward any real person to incite or produce imminent lawless action—nor are those words likely to incite or produce such action.
Even if I say those same words myself, let it be known that the U.S. government cannot constitutionally punish abstract advocacy of force or law violation.
Transmission interrupted.