Frankie
What’s the meaning of life?
Dr. Kaspar
Hmm… Well, if you’re asking me—which you are—, I’d say that there isn’t a fundamental meaning inherent to life. I think we’re kinda just… here.
Frankie
[Laughs.] And that’s it? No grand significance?
Dr. Kaspar
Yeah, that’s it. No grand significance.
Frankie
Well, if there’s no point to living, then why keep living?
Dr. Kaspar
There’s a quote attributed to Camus—Albert Camus, of course—that goes like so: “Should I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?” Whether he actually ever said that or not, I don’t know, but I love that quote either way. I keep choosing the cup of coffee.
But here’s another quote from Camus (and it’s actually from him this time): “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.” I understand. Having felt suicidal for a good portion of my time on this planet, I definitely understand.
So then… Why am I alive? Well, for the cup of coffee! [Laughs.] Really, though, I discovered that suicide wouldn’t solve my greatest problem…
Not that I am alive—but that I was ever born.
See, suicide would only end my life, but it could never undo it. Now that I’ve tasted coffee, I want another cup. Life isn’t joyless. It just happens to be rife with suffering. I want an end to my suffering, but I don’t necessarily want an end to my joy. That joy is a wonderful drug. (Much like caffeine in coffee.) I don’t want to stop taking it. I can never go back. No, I wish that I had never taken that drug in the first place. Coming down—that’s the problem.
The absence of joy isn’t the problem—it’s the loss of it.
I imagine it like this… There are so many potential people experiencing the absence of joy—as well as the absence of suffering. Think about my coworker: Gregory Walter Young. “What? I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Yeah, exactly! That’s a person that doesn’t exist. And do I feel bad for him? No. I mourn the loss of the people I care about, and how much extra mourning would I have to do to mourn every person who has never existed? Do I truly feel like Gregory Walter Young is being deprived of existence?
If I die—if I kill myself—, it’s a loss. But, if I had never existed, no one would ever mind—including myself! Yet, while being alive, I mind having been created!
No one can regret not being created. Because that person is no one. So there’s no one to regret not being created.
⋯
[There’s a long silence.]
Frankie
Well… I think that was beautifully said, but I’m not sure you answered my question.
⋯
[Both Frankie and Dr. Kaspar laugh.]
Dr. Kaspar
Oh, uh, hmm… I guess I kinda answered a different question: “Why not die?” But my answer to “Why keep living?” is effectively the same. Why live? Well, why not? The point about the cup of coffee is… Well, there are a lot of things that I prefer doing over dying.
Frankie
Okay. Okay, yeah. I see what you mean. [Sighs.] Well, this feels grim, but… If you no longer had things that you preferred doing over dying, would you kill yourself? Or, rather, do you imagine that you would?
Dr. Kaspar
Sure! I mean, if it really comes to that… [Laughs] Here’s how I see it, though:
If that’s upsetting—that I’d end my life—upsetting to you or anyone else—, then I would like to take a moment to proactively blame society. The attempt at so-called ‘suicide prevention’ feels like a joke. “Hey, call this hotline!” “Hey, go to therapy!” Don’t get me wrong—I don’t think those are bad ideas, especially if that’s all one has. But I imagine that far fewer individuals would commit suicide if society did a better job at alleviating suffering.
And I know. Society. What’s society? (We live in a society.) That could be a whole other conversation, but I’m just pulling on the common understanding of society.
“Don’t kill yourself!” How about a living wage? How about taxpayer-funded healthcare? How about helping the poor, the hungry, the unhoused, the sick, and the tired? How about just not bullying, harassing, abusing people who are trans?
There’s a robust suicide prevention plan. Let’s start there.
Frankie
That’s really good! [Laughs.] Believe me—I’m with you. I’m just enjoying how you’re taking my questions and really zooming out with them.
Dr. Kaspar
Is that right? [Laughs.] Just because I sometimes call myself an egoist doesn’t mean that I don’t care about others.
Max Stirner
I also love human beings, not just a few individuals, but every one. But I love them with the awareness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because love is natural to me, it pleases me. I know no “commandment of love.” I have fellow-feeling with every feeling being, and their torment torments me, their refreshment refreshes me too; I can kill, not torture, them.
Max Stirner
If I see the beloved suffering, I suffer with him, and I find no rest until I’ve tried everything to comfort and cheer him; if I see him joyful, I too become joyful over his joy. It doesn’t follow from this that the same thing causes suffering or joy in me, as that which brings about these effects in him, as any bodily pain sufficiently proves, since I don’t feel it as he does; his tooth gives him pain, but his pain gives me pain.
But because I cannot bear the sorrowful crease on the beloved forehead, therefore, then for my sake, I kiss it away. If I didn’t love this person, he could go right on creasing his forehead, that wouldn’t trouble me; I’m only driving away my troubles.
Transmission interrupted.